Ok so Im not feeling so great today.  One of those days where you dont feel like you.  Its like your watching yourself from the sky and hating everything about this freak.  I used to have this everyday when i was on the meds, its not as often now.  But today im experiencing it pretty bad.  Im supposed to be in school right now but cant bring myself to go yet.  Theres no point anyway, i would just sit there and check everyone out and pay no attention to my lecturer.  Im at my mums house atm cos i dont wanna be alone but it feels like im just playing secretary atm with phone calls happening one after the other.  The last one was the Dr's she has made another appointment for me :S dont know if ill bother.  Im dying to get hold of some Hoodia Gordinii.  I keep feeling sick from hunger.  It doesnt make me binge though cos when i eat it causes agony.  Yesterday at school i had celery for lunch and spent about 20 minutes in the bathrooms in agony.  My scales have broken, which in a way makes me wanna jump off a bridge but in other ways means maybe ill get a massive nice surprise when i can get new ones!  Checking them several times a day means theres never no great change. but o0o0o i wanna see how much...........................................  Ok ill post my stats last time i checked and then i can post them next time i can check.

CW-49kg
GW-42kg
HW-55kg
LW-n/a

This time it will be ok cos i will stop at my goal weight ;) thats where i went wrong last time.  I know i cant see myself how everyone else does so the plan is to make sure i go by scales not by the mirror and then i will stay out of hospital :)

Current Location: mums place
Current Mood: uncomfortable

Sorry to be a pain but im hopeless with computers.  I put some pictures in my gallery and i was trying to see if it worked but i cant find where you would look to see them?  can anyone help? 

Current Mood: confused

hey girls,
Hope everyone is well.  Ive just come off a weekend with way to much celebrating (weddings, 21st etc) and ive put the weight i lost back on:( Im 50kg now but............ im not stressing ill get it back under control easy i reckon;)  So i wanted to try Hoodia Gordonii but it says its not available in Australia.  I know i could somehow order it online and try sneak it in but i dont have a credit card or anything.  Was wondering if anyone knows of any stores in Australia that do sell it?  Was wondering if anyone knows of any good ana flix too? Im bored and am having a fat as day. i feel gross and hungover and i havent slept cos i cant breathe with my cold.  winge winge haha.  I need to do my massive essay but i dont even know where to start!  Well hope everyone is doing well im going to love you and leave you ;)

So Ive just spent the whole morning at the gym. Haven't weighed in yet but im feeling confident.  Last night i got confused about who i wanted to be. my boyfriend was sitting on the couch perving on chicks in his magazines.  I like being thin and its beautiful for us women but the men seem to like the curvacious chicks with big tits. I guess i just have to be who i wanna be and not think about the fact that he might not find me attractive.  Starting school next week which should make it easier being busy. Less time to think about the 'F' word.

not my wrists or anything.  My boyfriend has been getting angry at me about the amount of hair i am losing.  cos it is everywere. there is to much for me to just clean out the drains when i have a shower. now it is stuck to everything.  I know its time to cut if off short but i want long hair.  i always had beautiful long hair it was the thing i liked about myself. but there is no point hanging on anymore cos it is dead and thin.  i guess this is the price we must pay. i only have a few more kilo's to go which is great. im going to stop and stick at staying my goal weight this time. i dont want my body to shut down agin because when everyone finds out they make you eat so you get big and have to go through thisagain. so if i can just find a way to stay at that weight everything will be fine.  I have a wedding an a 21st on the 1st March with a lot of beautiful skinny people attending both.   so i really have to be careful not to binge between now and then.  This time around im finding it harder to be strict on myself.  Need to get the energy up to wash my car somehow.

i am a stupid fat cow.  I had managed to get back to 50kg and was well on my way to my target weight of 45.  i have been living of celery, water and tea.  But i just ate a piece of bread. white bread.  ive promised this time round i wont purge so ive come on here to try distract myself.  I am so mad at me right now.

So today i lost my job and my boyfriend is mega mad at me.  i start school again next week which is goingto be pretty stressfull.  i got a letter from my best friend. she moved a few months ago. i miss her so much but cant afford to go visit her.  Ive come on here just to make some friends cos im feeling pretty alone right now.

5"7- 50kgs

Current Mood: lonely